Triskaidekaphobia

The previous post was inspired by a scene in a movie a friend had encouraged me to see. I haven’t seen the entire film but I love it!

It’s all about facing your fear to see how far you can go… or how happy and fun your life can be. Most of us are scared to get hurt. We tend to cling to things that gives us security and comfort. We’re scared to let go and move on… thinking we might fall again– and break a bone and not have the strength to stand up to clean up the mess.

I am one of those people. Until now I’m scared to completely lose everything that’s left of my old self. Scared to lose the few people who I can call mine. My family, my friend, myself. It’s stupid, I know but I’m too scared to give it a try.

I hate myself for always holding back. For not doing all the things that I wanna do. For not letting the people dear to me know how much I love them. I don’t know when or what will make me change. I guess I should find some place else. Where I can start anew. Where I can find myself… or the missing part of it.

In silence, I’ve watched you.
With keen eyes.
I’ve watched you change.
Into someone I barely know.
In the darkness, I stood still.
Waiting for you to shed some light.
Waiting for you to say the words.
But you’ve kept me in the dark.
You’ve casted shadows on me.
Yours.
Theirs.
And I can’t find mine.
I can’t find myself in the dark.
You never knew.
I’ve loved you.
And I still do.
And everything sits still.
Under the rose.

Surprisingly!

It was a bad day…
And I was having lunch all by muself.
Then someone sat across my table.
I had to look.
It was him.

Then someone sat across him.
He’s not alone.
Coincidence?
I have no idea.

God really has a way of reminding us how fun life is.
You’ll never know what’s instore for you unless you move on.
We all have to keep on going and unravel its mysteries.

5 Reasons Why God Uses Problems

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you - depending on how you respond to them.
Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives.
They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to DIRECT you.
Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get
you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and
motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? “Sometimes it
takes a painful situation to make us change our ways.”
Proverbs 20:30

2. God uses problems to INSPECT you.
People are like tea bags…if you want to know what’s inside
them, just drop them into hot ever water! Has God tested
your faith with a problem What do problems reveal about
you? “When you have many kinds of troubles, you
should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test
your faith, and this will give you patience.”
James 1:2-3

3. God uses problems to CORRECT you.
Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It’s
likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a
hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned.
Sometimes we only learn the value of something… health,
money, a relationship. .. by losing it. “It was the best thing
that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws.”
Psalm 119:71-72

4. God uses problems to PROTECT you.
A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from
being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend
was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss
had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem - but
it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year
later when management’s actions were eventually discovered.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…”
Genesis 50:20

5. God uses problems to PERFECT you.
Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders.
God is far more interested in your character than your comfort.
Your relationship to God and your character are the only two
things you’re going to take with you into eternity. “We can rejoice when we run into problems…
they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of
character i n us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our
hope and faith are strong and steady.”
Romans 5:3-4

Here’s the point:
God is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it.
But it’s much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.
“Success can be measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned,
lives touched and moments shared along the way”

LIFE IS AN ECHO. What you send out, you get back.
What you give, you receive.

WHEN YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS, YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOURSELF!!!

I don’t know what to say… I hate you for everything that you did to me.
And I hate myself for letting you hurt me.
I gave my all fighting for something that was never there.
I was a fool to believe it all.
For seven years I have been in pain.
Yes, I have endured too much pain.
I had.
But I no longer can.

I cried so many times— over the same reason.
And every time, all I get is a “SORRY” without sincerity.
Yet I accepted and believed everything you said and promised me.

I believed. And just when I was starting to build trust— (again) you fail me.

I was there ready to take your hand… but you never held out yours.
It was a stupid idea to wait and hope that you’ll change—that you will finally see me.
But after all these years, you didn’t.
I guess you never will.

I have tried but you’ve pushed me off the cliff. You killed me.
Now, I don’t know what I have become… because of you and that stupid feeling I HAD for you.
Now I’m numb. I’ve grown too cold to feel the warmth around me.
(Call me Sub-zero— it FITS ME)

I hope you get to read this. I hope you find time to…

(One of the spam mails I get everyday)
I was driving a long way back to the city one day.
So to rest a while, i decided to park along the beachside.
Sitting on a clay rock i noticed two children, a boy and a girl, playing in the sand.
They built a sandcastle by the shore.
And just when they had finished their castle,
a big wave came by and knocked it down to a heap of wet sand.

I was expecting to see them cry seeing their hard work wasted.
But they surprised me.
They ran up the shore away from the water instead, laughing while holding hands,
and sat down to build new one.
Then I came to realize that children has a way of teaching adults important lessons.

All the material things in our lives that we spend so much time and energy earning or creating
are nothing but sandcastles… Sooner or later, the wave will come by to knock it all down.
And when the water washes it all away, only the person who has a hand to hold will be able to laugh.

I hope you find a hand to hold forever. I wish you all the happiness you can find.

Yey! It’s been months since the last entry.

I miss blogging and uploading photos…

Gotta work now.

We witnessed Gemma and Jeff’s union last saturday evening. It was a beautiful wedding. Had a great time with friends. I missed them all. Now I wonder when will we all be together again. I miss the Malditas.

The Happy Hearts’ Day is two days away…

And here I am. At home, sick and alone with my unhappy heart. I’ve always tried to be happy. I just can’t be. Everytime I find a reason to be– it slips away easily.

I was reading my journal SEVEN years back. I had the same problem. Hahaha. I’ve always told myself I can do well alone. I’ve made believe I can be happy all by myself. Now I’m not so sure. Hmmm… this is what I call HHD syndrome :p

Well, I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way right now. I just feel so lonely. And staying at home, tired, sick and alone, makes it worse. Plus a friend told me about a date he planned for his special someone. I saw the excitement and love in his eyes. And it hit me. I want to see the same thing in my someone’s eyes… that is if I have one. Unfortunately, I don’t. To make the feeling worse– it’s my choice. Yeah, it’s always been my choice. I’m a coward. Too scared to have my heart broken again. No can can hurt me unless I let them. So I won’t. Pathetic, I know, but that’s what I have in mind and heart right now…

Balentayms day– I hate it!

By the way, I’ll be attending a wedding this Saturday (two days after HHD)– Gemma’s wedding. I can’t wait to see her in a wedding dress! I can’t wait to see and experience love by simply seeing two people happy on the day they exchange vows. I’m sure it will be a very beautiful celebration of love.

Hmmm… gotta rest now. I’ll be working at 10